13 Ways to Overcome a Fear of Not Being Good Enough
By
Raven Ishak. Oct 26, 2016
Like
any other relationship, the one you have with yourself should be nurtured. But
over time, life can change and negative situations can trample over your
confidence. It can be hard to overcome your fear of not being good enough when
you constantly lack self-confidence. You might feel the urge to give up and
ferment in your self-loath, but you should try to turn things around and make
the most of it. This is why it’s important to find the source of the problem.
Why do so many people believe they’re not good enough? Is it part of their DNA?
Well, it might be.
Vice President of human resources and organizational
development for Paychex Laurie Zaucha in an interview with Bustle over email
said that from a women’s perspective, she thought that there is definitely a
physiological component. Women’s brains are wired differently than men. No
matter the gender, she firmly believed that
there’s also an environmental component that sometimes predates adulthood and
goes back to childhood. Expectations are set in the school or social
environments that we experience as children and many times, those notions carry
on through adulthood.
But even if these things did happen
doesn’t mean these feelings are going to stay with you forever. You have
control of your environment and what you decide to surround yourself with can
determine how you will perceive life. That’s why it’s so important to be
cautious about who you hang out with and how you decide to talk to yourself. It
can be exhausting (and boring) to live in a world where you stop yourself from
experiencing life because you’re afraid to fail You deserve to be happy, and
the only way life is going to change is if you make some changes, too. It’s
time to grab life by the horns and find a way to overcome your fear of not
being good enough.
1.
Find the Root of the
Fear
It’s important for you to find the
source of why you feel this way. The better you understand the reason, the
easier it can be to overcome. “You need to look at the root of this fear. Is it
based in any reality, or is it based in what we perceive others are thinking of
us? Many times this is not accurate, and if we sat and were honest with
ourselves, we would be kinder to ourselves, and admit that there is no one
telling us we are not good enough but ourselves. If we allow ourselves to have
the thoughts and beliefs that what people say positively about us might be
true, we start to plant the seeds of feeling good enough,” says psychologist
Nicole Martinez Psy.D., LCPC, in an interview with Bustle over email.
2.
Fake It ‘Til You Make
It
“If you aren’t confident, pretend
that you are. Confidence can be faked — or perhaps better explained, confidence
can be learned, practiced, and built. The more you do it, the better you’ll
be,” says Zaucha. While you don’t want to pretend to be someone you’re not, you
want to build yourself up from within so you can become more confident in the
long run.
3.
Focus on Past
Successes
Sometimes it’s hard to be positive when
your current situation isn’t looking great. But when that does happen, think
about your past successes to help you overcome your fear of not being good
enough. Zaucha
said to focus on past successes. Remember what you did to overcome a challenge
or achieve a certain goal. Replay that feeling in your mind. Visualize a
successful outcome over and over again.
4.
Expose Yourself to the
Feared Activity
One of the best ways to over your
fear of not being good enough is by actually doing the thing that you fear the
most. “If you fear an activity or an event or an interaction with another
person, the best way to conquer the fear (based on research) is to expose
yourself to the feared activity. Exposure (and gradual increase of exposure)
can help alleviate fear and anxiety around feeling inadequate. When you fear
you won’t perform ‘well enough’ or ‘perfectly’ do it anyway. This, in turn,
will help to boost self-esteem and identity,” says licensed clinical
psychologist Dr. Kim Chronister in an interview with Bustle over email.
5.
Don’t Use
Self-Deprecating Language
It’s time to believe in your words
when you communicate them to other people. You don’t want to disregard your thoughts
just because you don’t think they’re good enough or afraid that someone else
won’t like them. “Have a point of view. Don’t use minimizing phrases like ‘I
was just thinking …’ or ‘I could be wrong, but …’ Make statements rather than
asking questions. Cut all of that self-deprecating language out of your
vocabulary and simply say what you want to say – and do it with confidence,”
says Zaucha.
6.
Be Mindful of Your
Body Language
Believe it or not, you can feel 100
percent better if you become more aware of how you choose to present yourself.
“Whether it’s your body language or what you are wearing, make sure you look
confident. Sit and stand tall. Wear business-appropriate clothing. Make eye
contact. Smile confidently and have a firm handshake. These actions all seem
pretty simple, but physical impressions are more important than you may
realize,” says Zaucha.
7.
Practice It Every Day
“Practicing being confident is a
great starting point. The more you do it, the better you will get at it,” says
Zaucha. The more you practice being self-confident, the better you can become.
Make sure you talk to yourself more positively and surround yourself with
things that are going to make you happy.
8.
Celebrate Your
Successes
“Confidence will turn your thoughts
into action, and that action will help you achieve anything you set your mind
to. And don’t forget to take note of — and celebrate — your successes when they
happen,” says Zaucha. No matter how small your successes are, you should
celebrate them. This act can boost your spirit up and allow you to remember how
much of a badass you are.
9.
Figure Out What Your
Learning Style Is
It can be easy to feel defeated when
you feel like you’re different from someone else. You might not feel good
enough because someone learns quicker than you, but everyone learns differently
and you shouldn’t lose confidence because of that. Instead, try to figure out
your learning style so you can overcome your fear and gain confidence. “Experience
and realism are key. When you are learning a new skill: know your own learning
style (for example: do you need to dip your toe in the shallow end, or do you
dive right in?) Research all you can to find out what it really takes to get
good at something you want to, and make a plan that is realistic,” says NY
state licensed marriage and family therapist Gracie Landes in an interview with
Bustle over email.
10.
Remember to Love
Yourself for Who You Are
Sometimes you don’t feel good enough
because you compare yourself to other people. Stop this. You need to remember
that you bring so much to the table and the world would be so different without
you. Love yourself for who you are. You deserve to be celebrated for being you.
CEO and
co-founder of Grabr Daria Rebenok in an interview with Bustle over email said that
when she had these feelings and
thoughts that she just not good enough at work, in personal relationships, in
her family, etc, she tried to always remind herself to love herself for who she
really is. She always tried to name
at least three things that she loves about herself and that she was proud of being good at. She understood that it’s simply impossible for a person to be everything to
everyone and to be perfect at everything.
11.
Stop Overthinking It
If you’re anything like me, you have
a hard time not overthinking everything. But this way of thinking is toxic and can
hurt your self-confidence. Meditation guru
and Topdeck MOVE spokesperson Biet Simkin, in an interview with Bustle over email said that not feeling
‘good enough’ is a symptom of thinking of oneself too much. We need to get out
of our self to remember what we are truly made of. The power that we have lays
dormant underneath all the incessant thinking.
12.
Work on Your Well-Being
Honestly, you won’t feel great about
yourself if you don’t feel good from within. You need to take the time to
maintain your health to boost your confidence and get over your fear of not
being good enough. “One of the main things we want to do with energy we save is
transmute it in our meditations. I don’t believe that we need to give up life
to meditate or give up desire to meditate. Quite the contrary, I believe in
success, world travel, luxury, fun, sex etc.! This is one of the reasons I
partnered with Topdeck Travel for the launch of their MOVE program. With
Topdeck’s wellness program, we can give people an experience that is spiritual
while they travel and [push] their limits and minds when on the road is the
best juxtaposition for meditation that there is. In today’s world we don’t need
to give up our belongings to reach enlightenment,” says Simkin.
13.
Remind Yourself that
You're Not the Only One Who Feels Like This
Remember one thing: everyone has
felt this way sometime in their life. It’s normal. But you don’t want to have
to deal with this fear of not being good enough for the rest of your life. Take
charge by figuring out how you can battle this thought and become more
confident. Rebenok
said that she always tried to
be true to herself, as she was trying
to understand the source of her self-doubt and how she could work around it and improve it. She constantly surrounded herself with people who appreciate her and support her and see
a better perspective in her that sometimes she didn’t see in herself. It’s important to understand that you’re not
the only one that feels this way. Even people who seem that they have it all
feel like they are not good enough in some aspect of their life.
Even though it’s completely natural
to feel like you’re not good enough every once in a while, you want to overcome
your fear of not being good enough by not overthinking things, celebrating your
successes, and working on your well-being.
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